Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A Lovely Morning Commute

This morning was very quintessential DC.

Let me tell you a little story.

First of all I woke up from one of the strangest dreams I have ever had in memory, but I'll save that for another time.

I was running late, but didn't really care since no one at the office would mind. This was my first mistake. It seems everyone in DC was also running late.

I decided to wait for the bus as opposed to walk to the metro because it was incredibly hot and sticky and didn't want to show up to work smelly and sweaty. TWO buses pass me by without stopping because they were so full. This doesn't really bother me, as I am not really in a hurry anyway. I finally get on the packed bus and am standing next to what look to be three interns from "The Hill" and are talking about last night's Democratic Slumber Party.

The way you tell if someone is a hill intern is by the way they talk, how they dress, and how eager they seem. If you have been in DC long enough you can spot them a mile away. I'll give you an example of what I mean; one of the interns said to the other "Hey Jess, did you know that Josh here is a REPUBLICAN!?" He said it so loudly that the entire bus heard him and turned and stared. Not staring because someone was accused of being a republican, but because he was like a bit of a side show.

I got to the metro station, meandered down the loooooong escalators at Dupont Circle. As I entered the platform area, I saw that its jam packed and people are making their way through each other very slowly. Looking down from above it looks like you are looking into an ant farm kit, where they have forged their own tunnels, not through sand, but through other people. I bit the bullet and made my way down to join them for better or worse. First thing that happens is another girl and I accidentally bump into each other as I entered one of the ant tunnels. It was a light bump; not even worth a mention except that the following happened:

She said. "Uh! We are both walking the same way, you know!" but in a very stuck up snotty voice. Might I add she was wearing 5 inch heals, fake tan, and probably carrying a Prada bag (which are so ugly by the way, why do people like those?). I turned to her and am a little shocked that she was actually offended, but I smile a big plastic smile at her and bite my tongue.

I wiggled my way down to the other end of the platform hoping that it would be less crowded there. Nope. I stood there waiting for the next train for a few minutes thinking, 'well if I was really pushy I could get on the next rain, but I don't think it's worth it really.' So the next train came and of course everyone desperately tried to cram in and are busily shoving each other and acting as if being on a crowded metro automatically means they get to act like a jerk; as if people are just waiting for an excuse to pick a fight. I didn't get on the train, I decided to wait for the next one.

Well those people who got on that first train didn't get to leave either. In fact, the train was so crammed full of sweaty, stinky people that the driver could not get the doors closed. He tried for a good 10 minutes asking people to please make sure they were not blocking the door and to please get off the train if it is too crowded for you to be on it. No one got off the train. Everyone refused to be the one to get off. Well, guess what happened? The operator made EVERYONE get off the train and put the train out of service.

Now the platform was even more crowded. If there was a fire or an earthquake, we would all be screwed. No one could move more than an inch in any direction. I am standing there watching the mystery that is human nature; some woman saying to another woman behind her "Can you scoot back some!? You are crowding me!" and the other says "Well, I would if I could. You aren't the only one who is crowded lady." Finally another train came and again I didn't even attempt to get on. This one was even more crowded than than the first one, but somehow the doors were able to close. I witnessed a business man trying to shove his way onto the train, but the doors closed right in front of him. His face was all red and sweaty, and he whined very audibly "oh, come on! I cant believe this!" and stormed off in a temper tantrum in the other direction. I look next to me and a woman smirked and rolled her eyes in understanding, and another guy laughed along with me.

So two more trains went by like this and I finally got on the fifth train, and of course it was STILL crowded. Crowded to the point where I was standing shoved up next to this guy who had to cup his groin area so that he wouldn't accidentally rub against my butt with it. Eew.

It really amazes me how self involved people can be. There were so many situations this morning where if there was a little teamwork, people would have gotten to where they were going faster, and the whole thing could have been much more smooth. I thought about this the rest of the ride to work. I also thought that if this had been the beginning of a horror movie, you would KNOW immediately who the first characters to get killed off would be. The whiners, jerks, and people who act like they think they are royalty.

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